Ever feel like there is two sides to you? The side everyone see’s, and the other more realistic version of who you are behind the curtains. For a while I did NOT fit this category. It was what you see is what you get. but as time as went I have definitely changed. Usually in situations like this, the persons hidden side is more vulnerable, more sensitive. But with me it’s the opposite, I’m actually much more harsh and callous. As in survival of strongest/ Spartans threw the disabled children over the cliff type of harsh. Almost everyday I have to literally remind myself to be more empathetic and compassionate towards people. But as time goes on it wears very thin. Not in a pessimistic/ cynical way. I don’t think everything is bad or is going to bed bad. It’s just that I empathize will certain people to a point, then after that point breaks I could care less about what their problem is.
I think it stems from the fact, that I am able to learn from a lesson very quickly in order to stay in mentally positive/ neutral state. But lots of other people aren’t able to do that so well, and in the back of my mind I say. “I told them what to do, and if they can’t learn from their mistake, it’s their problem no matter what”. I’m no mean spirited, I don’t think. I don’t wish people ill or harm, ever. It’s just that when someone in my eyes isn’t mentally/physically/emotionally strong enough to make certain decisions, I kind of throw them to the wolves, lmao.
Hahaha if I were born a couple of hundred years ago, I think I would fit right in. But this the modern age, the age of compassion, not survival. So I’m slowly trying to become slightly more compassionate to people who can’t seem to get themselves together. ONE big reason I feel the need to do this, is because as a martial artist. having little compassion for people and possessing the deadly skill set we learn over time, is NOT a good combo. hahaha.But on the other hand, I think it’s partially why I am so good with dealing with violence in fighting and in general. Because I am able to accept it as a part of life. Rather than glorifying it or being super afraid of it.